Walk before God and be Blameless PDF  | Print |  E-mail
Written by Brenda Pamisa   
Monday, 21 December 2009 21:47

I want to testify how great the love & mercy of God towards my life. Of how he changed me & brought me to the family of God. My heart was overflowing with joy & gratefulness when I received Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior & became Born Again for I know I was not worthy for his love & mercy.

 

Before I will begin my testimony in relation with our topic “walk before me & be blameless”, please join me in prayer. Father God, you’re beautiful beyond explanation, no words can describe your awesome love for all of us. Lord, today as I reveal the amazing things, you have done for me, I want to ask the filling of Holy Spirit upon me as I witness & confirm to your people that you are the one who makes the life complete. Let every word that will come out in my mouth be a blessing & will give encouragement to all of us to keep on walking in the light of your path. These I pray in the precious name of our Lord Jesus Christ.  Amen.

It is not at all easy to stand here & testify, but deep in my heart I know it’s a great opportunity to express my gratitude to our dear Lord who saved me from the miry clay – from my filthy life before when I was not a Born Again Christian. For those who don’t know me yet, I want to introduce myself I’m Brenda Pamisa, maybe it’s not coincidence that my surname is Pamisa in English means “mass or to have gathering in the church”.

Now, I want to share brief details of my pass.  When I was not a Born Again Christian I was very stubborn, in my college days, they used to call me the coolest girl in town, for I was full of sense of humor & kind of naughty. I always want to have some fun, I used to smoke, drink & when I was in spirit of liquor I will dance in front of them, they will laugh at me & I love doing that to entertain them. But, they don’t know that I was very easy to get depress & burden by problem but I was not showing them because all I want was to cheer them up. I remembered way back January 2001 when I failed in my board exam, I was jobless & I had tough argument with my brother. I committed suicide, I hanged myself but it was noticed by my sister that’s why she immediately came into my room & shouted for help, my family got scared for what had happened, from then they didn’t allow me to be alone in the house because they were afraid that I will do that again. My friends found out what had happened, they always make sure to call me up & come in the house to be with me.
 

Then the time came when I was hired in construction firm where most of the staff was men. Well, for me that’s okay because most of my cousins are men I’m used to that & I’m very easy to get along with especially men because they are thinking that I’m one of them.  Then there was one guy, my officemate who revealed his feeling to me that he liked me, but I was ignoring him for the first time because I don’t have a feeling for him but still he’s insisting, many days came, months passed of courting, my feeling betrayed me, I fell in love with him, my feelings for him got developed so I have nothing to do but to accept his love. He said he loved me, & I felt that love, I entered into the relationship, we became live in partner. Really I felt that I loved him so much & I was willing to give everything to him to show that love. One year passed still we’re together, without the knowledge of my family because I didn’t want them to know how filthy I was, for I was into a relationship with a married guy. Yes a married guy & our relationship became so deep that I don’t want to leave him & I will do everything to make him happy, I selflessly gave everything to him but I knew that he will not be mine for he’s married & having a family of his own but I really love him, our relationship became serious that I had the courage & depended him to my father that I loved him so much, my father got shocked & he didn’t imagine that I can do that, he didn’t hurt me or slapped me for that realization because I am close to him & he loves me so much among his children, but he cried & opened it to my family & he told me to resign in my job to avoid him, but still I can’t leave him & I don’t think I can live without him, I felt that time that he is my world & my life turn to him. All were focus to him alone. I always cry about our relationship for I knew even I will do everything he can’t be mine, I was just his mistress. There was a time also that I was feeling jealous to his own family, for he don’t have time for me & he’s always telling me that his main priority was his family not me, but because I loved him so much I have nothing to do but to understand him. Then my feeling for him got deeper & deeper & I always feel the pain of being left behind when he will choose to be with his family rather than mine.  I felt depressed & all alone that again I tried to commit suicide, I slashed my pulse, but that’s not my end yet, I gain my consciousness & cried again & blamed God why he didn’t allow me to die & not to experience again the pain of loving someone whom can’t be mine. Only my close friends noticed the slashes on my pulses. But without the awareness of my family I kept on having relationship with my boyfriend, it’s not only 2 years it’s  lasted for 4 1/2 years that’s why it’s very difficult for me to let go & move on. It’s seemed so impossible but to God there is nothing impossible.

My sister here in UAE knew my relationship with my boyfriend & she came to know that I became deeply affected & madly in love with my boyfriend, so she decided to bring me here & convinced me that the architect here was in demand, the salary here is much better than in Philippines & there was already a job waiting for me. Even though my heart was telling that I don’t want to leave my boyfriend. But I got interested, but I said to myself if my documents will be ready & everything will be fine, it is destiny for me to go in UAE, almost exactly one month my papers became okay, so I decided to go & immediately fly to UAE. For only a week of staying here, I felt like I want to go home & I am always calling to my boyfriend & cry because I missed him a lot, I told to my family in Philippines that I want to go back home for I felt homesick for I can’t bear the time of being separated not with my family but with my boyfriend. I’m always crying & asking myself why am here in this country, what is my purpose here, I had a regular job in Philippines, I was earning more than enough & can support my family. That’s all the questions that puzzled me.
 
I called to my older brother that I will be crazy here & I’m desperately want to come back, & my brother cried to me & said don’t give up & advised me to read the Bible for God alone can help me for my situation, and cast all my worries on God for God alone cares for me a lot more than anyone else. My family didn’t know how they will pacify me, for I was kind of stubborn & they were afraid that I might commit suicide again. Then when I was alone & about to give up I searched for the Bible. In my accommodation I haven’t have Bible so I asked my officemate (Joyce) if she has bible, and she then not only offered to me her bible but also invited me to attend in the church.  On June 24, 2005, I attended in the church(WORD INTERNATIONAL MINISTRIES-Sharjah), at first I got bored, but when I heard & realized the word of God, I became eager to attend in the church & hoping that everything will be changed. Days, months passed of being attendees in the church, I felt the calling of God in my life, I felt his love & forgiveness, I cried & I surrendered my life to him & I realized his love & mercy upon me.
 
After I received Jesus Christ as my Lord & master, God immediately removed from me the feeling of being desperately in love with my boyfriend & God gave me a lot of friends who could understand me & guide me & teach me to walk in God’s way. I became Born Again Christian & my relationship with God goes deeper & deeper. I love to go to the church, go with my fellow believers & to read the Holy Bible. But we all know as Christian we are not exempted to face trials. My love & obedience to God had been tested when I resigned to my previous company & decided to go back in Philippines, the battle was there in my mind, what’s the reason why I need to come back home, I asked myself & questioned God for that and still had fear that maybe my friends might not accept me for I was not the same Dada who always there to do naughty things to attract their attention & made them happy.
 

To tell you honestly if I will remember all the nasty things I’ve done, I don’t think I can make that again for I know that God is with me & I don’t want to offend him for he already forgave me from all my unrighteousness. Truly God changed me & my point of view in life, that I’m created for God’s glory alone. Then I prayed to God to touch the hearts of my family, my friends & my ex-boyfriend as I came back home for I want them to know God & want them to know that I was proud that I became Born Again Christian & want to share the love & forgiveness that I’d  experienced when I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord & Savior. I want to share the blessings & joy of having Jesus in my life. God gave me the boldness to share my faith to my family, my friends & my ex-boyfriend, the important persons in my life and then they realized & respected me a lot for my faith with God. I amazed to God for how he guided me & gave me the courage to talk to my Ex-boyfriend about the love & mercy that God has given to me.

But to be opened before I was about to meet and talk to my ex-boyfriend , there was a question & battle in my mind, of what about if my feeling & emotion might betray me again, but I depended on God, I relied everything to him, I prayed a lot & I knew that God will not leave me & forsake me. And God really had taken over my feelings, instead I shared about God of how He changed me & forgave me and I asked my ex-boyfriend to be faithful to his wife, to his family & turn to our God for forgiveness. I realized that my purpose why God allowed me to come back to Philippines is that for me to share & stand for my faith & obedience to our God. God is so faithful to his promise; the blessing is the fruit of our obedience. I’d got nice offer and God immediately arranged my employment visa.
 
I stayed in Philippines for only two weeks & honestly I haven’t had enough money that time, only I hold on to my faith that God will arrange everything. Indeed God is the God of impossibilities. And I knew the blessings will not stop there, God will continue to preserve us until his coming. I want to take this chance to thank my family for loving & understanding me in spite of what I’ve done in the past.   For Sis.  Joyce (Ghaga), who’s in Philippines right now for bringing me into this church, for Ate Aileen, Kuya Paolo for loving me & being my family here, to Gracia my friend for almost 13 years who knows who am I before & who I am right now, the witness of how God had changed me into new Dada for being my friend who accepts me for what I am in spite of our indifferences still she’s always there for me, for my Nanay Delia, who’s always there to support & lift me up when I am down and also to Sis.Alice who’s always there even through tough times of my life & give me encouragement to walk before the Lord & to hold on to my faith in God.
 

To our cell group, & Bible study that helps me strengthen my knowledge & faith to God. To our dear Pastor who inspired me to walk before the Lord & to serve God wholeheartedly. And I’m thankful to this church for the encouragement for I feel the true relationship as family, a true brothers & sisters in Christ. Now I realized that nothing can compare to the Love of God & I was not ashamed to open up this matter about my past life for you to know that God will forgive us no matter how great your sin is. God is waiting for us to come to him & accept his mighty love. I didn’t blame anybody of what had happened to me because I knew that God is not interested in my past but to my future relationship to Him. I want to take this opportunity to encourage those who in the same situation I’ve gone through to surrender everything to the Lord  & He will help you to overcome all the temptations & sins that entice your lives. Be transparent to God.

God will accept & love us no matter our life in the past. I encourage you that to strengthen our faith to our Lord, we need to read our Bible, to pray, ask the Holy Spirit for his guidance, attend in the church to strengthen our relationship as true believers of Christ, Discipleship & fulfill the great commission that God has entrusted to us. I encourage you to walk before God & be blameless and you will obtain his great promise & blessing. God alone can change us from glory to glory. Praise be to God & God bless us all!

by: Sis. Brenda Pamisa

(WIN-IT Ministry Head/WIN-Y.A Core)
Last Updated on Tuesday, 09 March 2010 12:35
 
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